[reblog] Exhaustion.

The Spoon Theory. This explains the answer to the question I never asked myself when I learned of the concept to “manage your energy, not your time”. I didn’t ask myself ‘how much energy do I have?’ You can’t manage what you can’t measure!

Like Amy here, I know when I have completely run out of spoons because the mental exhaustion hits me hard also. But what if I could pre-empt the onset of total exhaustion? That is a powerful thought.

I suppose the liberating aspect of understanding I am on the autism spectrum is that I can let go of ever believing I will have more spoons, and instead now focus on understanding how to manage better with what I have.

This is the first thing I want to work on after I get my diagnosis.

A is for ...

It’s amazing how little you know about yourself until you find out a big thing about yourself. As far back as I can remember I’ve put my hand up to help people. You need someone to help set up your function? What time? I’ll be there. Can’t pack everything away yourself? I’ll stay behind and help. You have a problem? Here, let me lose sleep so I can solve it for you. And on the list goes.

I like helping people, I do. I’m not resentful at all. I like to be useful. But it’s always come at a cost. I could never understand the exhaustion that followed. Why does floating around talking to people at a luncheon party, as an example, exhaust me? I’m not physically exerting myself!

But now, oh now, it makes sense. The constant barrage of questions and small talk, trying to stay “focused” on the…

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